Today I’m not sure who the character is but this song by Karmina, that I absolutely love, moved me to a bittersweet little tale. I am sure many of us feel this way but there is always someone there to take our hand, to help us shine. And if you know someone who you think needs their hand taken, offer yours, sometimes we need it.
The Moon Only Shines With the Help of the Sun
“You do not have to do this alone.”
“I know, I just do not want to burden or upset anyone.”
“So, you burden and upset yourself.”
“I find it’s better that way.”
She sat cross-legged in the middle of the lawn. There was no one nearby but she was not alone. She had been in meditation for ten minutes, and her spirit sat in the stone room in the city at the top of the tree.
Things had gotten hard, and for too long she had put off meditating, put off coming here, wallowing instead in all the hurts and emotions. Real or simply perceived. She knew that coming here would not allow her to hide from anything. Her guides were nothing if not honest with her.
“It is better to not let a friend know how much they are hurting you and keep them, then open your mouth and lose them. It is better to take your friend’s burden than give them your own and it be more than they’re willing to bear.”
“A friend who hurts you more than they love you and who gives without taking or sharing is no true friend, wouldn’t you say?”
“They all just have so much going on.”
“It is good to defend our friends, and it is good to have friendship but do you think this cost is worth it?”
“So, I should just cut my losses and go it alone?”
She had been dreading hearing these words, the loneliness was almost crippling to her already, and that was with friendship.
“Did I say that?”
“No, I am asking you to look at your choices. If these people are true friends, then you do them a disservice to treat them as though they are fickle friends fostering a toxic relationship. If the friendship has turned sour, then you do yourself a disservice to cling to it and continually suffer. So, which is it?”
“I…” She paused and tears formed in her eyes. “I do not know anymore. I know what I want, I know how it feels sometimes. I know how it feels other times. I am confused.”
“And yet, you leave yourself confused and do not speak to them.”
She hung her head. More tears welled up and a few rolled down her cheeks. She did not speak to them because she was terrified of the outcome. She needed her friends and did not want to discover she was not needed. She loved her friends and did not want to know that they did not, could not, love her. She did not want to be told that she had failed at being their friend. Because that was something she feared, that this distance that had grown up was her fault because it kept happening. Was she a bad friend?
Was she just pushing everyone away as she tried to face everything alone and not be a burden on anyone?
“You do not have to be alone in all your burdens and I think you will find that you are not.”
“There are no buts. You cannot do this alone and you cannot continue torturing yourself this way. You dim your light each day that you do not let it shine. It pains me to see you cry each day when you can change this.”
“No, enough.” He held up his hand. “You are loved. There are those that love you, and those that use you. Find out who is who and let those who love you do so. Honour them. Love them. Trust them. You do not have to take this journey alone. You never had to. And we are here, as well.”
Her tears flowed down her cheeks. She felt shame and she felt hope. She felt fear.
“Come, I’ll walk you home.” He stood and offered his arm.
“I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You never do. And then you do it. Be strong, sweet daughter of our hearts. You are more loved than you know. And stronger than you see.”
He walked her to the tree and she closed her eyes. The tree became a cavern leading her back toward the light and she took herself back to her body. She opened her eyes, her cheeks were wet with tears.
She knew what she needed to do but the question remained; could she do it? She was never good at this. But she knew where to start. Maybe it was time to share her burden with someone else, someone who always seemed there and someone she had never truly let in because of her fear. She did not have to be alone through all of this.
She just needed to reach out and trust that someone would take her hand.
She had no idea how many people were waiting to do just that.