I never lost a best friend to suicide growing up but I did see the world change when people I knew were gone. And I’ve watched the world change when people I knew but never knew me were gone.
Most people know I have struggled at different places in my life. Knowing now the cause of those struggles was at times caused by my medical condition, doesn’t change the dark places I visited.
Linkin Park was there in the darkness. They seemed to understand on a deep level at times what I was feeling and it made a difference to know that these things were not limited to me alone. I couldn’t say how many times I’ve listened to ‘Hybrid Theory’ or ‘Meteora’ over the years. In good times and bad.
And today I woke up to the news that Chester lost his battle.
It makes me sad. We lost Chris so recently too, and I can imagine from what I’ve read that it hurt Chester on a deep level to suffer that loss.
I never told Chester, or any of the rest of Linkin Park, that they might have saved my life. They at least played a part in me getting through. I don’t know if it would have made any impact on Chester’s life.
We’ve lost a few people to suicide through the years and I always wonder if anything would have changed had I voiced the part they played in my life. Knowing what my mind was like back in my dark days, I can honestly say that it probably would not have changed anything. That is the way these things work, unfortunately. But I still wish I had said something. I still wish that they were still with us.
It’s been a long while now since I’ve sunk as low as the past and sat with my earphones in listening to Linkin Park. But today I am going to sit and listen to them and remember how it felt to know that other people understood. To know that I was not alone.
And I’ll also listen to Don’t Stay and mis-sing the lyric to Justine like an old friend always did. (He thought that was what it said and that was why I liked listening to the song.)
And if anyone needs a hug today I am here.
If anyone needs to know that someone understands and that they are not alone, I am here.