So, on Saturday I went to a Wellbeing Market with Mum. I wasn’t sure what to expect, a mixture of alternate health, spirit, and soul stuff maybe, but they had some talks going on and I was keen to learn a bit more about reflexology and maybe some tips to help with some of the pain I’ve been dealing with lately. (My back has been in open revolt a lot lately, and my shoulder decided to cross over to the dark side too this week.)

It was an interesting talk about reflexology, including what $2 shop items, and naturally occurring items you can use to help yourself at home. Pro tip, big long pinecones are great to roll under your feet just watch out for sap and goo on the carpet.

After a nice lunch, we headed to a talk about past lives. I was expecting something where we got told about different ways of accessing such information, tips for recognising things, instead, we got the life story of a woman who on occasion can give people their past lives but not on demand. It wasn’t what I was interested in being there for really. But then she singled me out for a message from the spirits.

Okay then, I wondered where this would go. The last time something similar happened it was, well, a crock. But then she started talking, she spoke of the way things had been lately. It wasn’t the generic stuff either, and then she told me things I had been told a lot in meditations lately. Including things, I haven’t been acting on.

One of the big points she wanted to tell me was that I have to stop hiding myself and fading back. Something I keep struggling with. I keep saying I am going to be completely me and then I keep trying to fit into other people’s boxes or simply hiding. That’s not really working out for me too well. It’s lead to some really low days.

I am me, and while, yes, I am in competition with many, I am no in fact in competition with everyone and I need to stop comparing, stop trying to think I can be like anyone else.

So, who am I? What am I? How can I describe my style? What is my substance?

I am many of the normal boxes. I am mother, wife, sister, daughter, sister in law, friend, foe, and acquaintance. Well, I assume I am foe to some.

I am a writer, author, crafter, creator, reader, dancer, thinker, researcher.

I guess I’m a witch. There isn’t really a better description of me and my beliefs. Which doesn’t mean I ride around on a broomstick, but how cool would that be?

I coined the phrase Word Witch in City of the Wiccad: Beginnings, and I have to say it’s quite appropriate for me and I kind of want to run with that.

I’m a Princess Bard. I’m a Fae-Steampunk-Vintage-Pop-Rock-Celtic-Fairy-Art Deco-Glam-Flower Power-Mythy Goddess.

I really do not fit into any tidy little box. I follow all these social media accounts of all these people who are amazing and rock the theme they’ve got going on. And I keep wanting to be like them. Rock the Pin-Up look daily but that’s not me. Sure, I love a beautiful 50s style dress but it’s not me every day. Some days I want to rock soft pastels in a dress like the Disney music video “Once Upon (Another) Dream” by No Secrets.

I’m an introverted extrovert. I’m a weirdo and a contradiction. I want to make friends and then get anxiety when I try to. And years of bullying and emotional abuse are a huge factor in that. And yes, I am trying to hard to overcome those hang-ups and make new connections for the sake of my personal wellbeing as well as my business aspirations.

One of the things the woman on Saturday said was she described me as a beautiful Japanese maple and I’m in my autumn and winter phase. I need to drop my leaves, let go of my baggage, let go of the things and the people I do not need, and strip myself back to the barebones of myself and know me. Then I can move forward. And boy, do I want to move forward. I have been sitting and watching things happen to people around me and wondering how I can make them happen for me.

So, with that in mind. I am asking for support and help. Do you know someone who could help me continue my dreams? Introduce us. Do you know a podcast, facebook group or page I should subscribe to that can give me information, connections, support? Please let me know where to look?

I honestly find at times that we are styled to be seen as competition, and we don’t help those around us because we fear how much better they might do than us. This seems especially true for females, we are often raised to tear each other down rather than raising each other up. I would rather help someone succeed, and hope they could then pay it forward or backwards, than ignore them as they struggle for their dreams and just be a bit of a nasty moo cow. So, if I can help you, reach out to me and I will try and help you up and then push you higher.

And I really hope there are people who are willing to do the same for me. I used to be afraid to ask for help. I felt it made me weak or stupid or useless. It doesn’t. My dreams and goals mean too much to me to be afraid to ask and reach out. So, this is me raising my hand and saying I need help. I need support. I cannot do this alone.

I’m making plans and making decisions. I made an Etsy store. Once I have the Affirmation necklaces and Once Upon A Storytime necklaces on there I will promote it. I hmmmed about it for a long time, second guessing my ability to create things people want.

I’m even taking the time to reassess if I want to follow the self-publish route, work with a small publishing company or try and go the “mainstream” route of agent and try to get a deal with a big publisher. The latter was always the dream, but I’ve been too intimidated to try.

I’m even contemplating Kickstarter to really bring my dreams and goals to life. Because I know, I cannot do this alone. Very few can. It takes a village.

This post got a bit away from me, but we know I am the Rambling Princess, even if that isn’t my @ anymore. I have a lot going on in my head, a million and one thoughts, a hundred thousand dreams, and at least 42,000 characters.

Sometimes a good ramble is needed to sort things into some order and clarity. There is more that I could say but that can wait for other blog posts.

For now, I’m going to go and work on The Adventures of Prince Kade. Christmas is coming way too quickly for me to delay on that. And then after that it’ll be Briar (so if you’re behind catch up now).

Until next time,

Be Faebulous

Be Wiccad

I love you.

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