What is success?
I’ve been feeling lately that I’m walking a line of failure because I haven’t achieved the financial success that I use as the bar for what I’ve achieved, and while that can be a valid marker for viewing success because we live in a society where everything costs, is it the best and only marker?
Am I a failure?
If I actually remove the money factor from the equation it’s actually easy to see that I am succeeding in life. I am living a life that I absolutely love. I have a loving family and I am doing what I want to, my “job” is what I dream of doing, what my soul dreams about doing.
It’s been a journey of many ups and downs to get here, and it’s taking sacrifices and A LOT of hard work to sustain what I’m doing, but I am following my dreams, I am achieving my dreams and that is something that I should be really proud of.
I should be happy about it!
But I have actually been a little miserable lately feeling like a failure because fame and fortunes have not been forthcoming, and I have been completely missing what I should be focusing on.
Now, some of that is because of the emotional rollercoaster that can come with PCOS, lack of good sleep and many other health factors that I am working on.
My job is one that often comes with lovely bouts of self-doubt and imposter syndrome. I know I am not alone in that, in fact, just last night I found a video from The Creative Penn saying just that. (video here) I am not alone, it’s normal. Knowing that helps me greatly. As they say, bad writers think their work is amazing, good writers worry that it’s not. (Give or take a few words.)
So, there are a few factors that have led to my mental state lately, but regardless of that, I have been missing the obvious things that I should be celebrating. I haven’t looked at my life through the Glad Game tinted spectacles and more fool me for it.
In the past few years, I have published my stories. I have wanted to do that since I was young. I was probably about thirteen when I really thought it could be a real thing for me. One of my teachers told me I could do it. And I have. Thirteen year old me would be amazed to know that we had written enough words to make a story. That our words are out there in the world for others to read.
And yes, financial success is yet to come. But seriously, I am not alone in that. I know authors out there who have traditional publishing contracts and are putting out the work and still have to have a day job to make ends meet.
It is a blessing that I have been able to leave employment with others. It is a blessing to follow this dream of mine. SO BLESSED. And I am working hard to make it a worthy sacrifice.
Me and being an employee don’t often mix so well. I am a very empathic person and some places of employment have drained me close to break down, and once not even close, I was a broken mess because of what I endured. I also have had some bad luck with some of the bosses I’ve had. One of which was a complete bully with a sexist mentality who valued making money for him to spend over the well being of any of his employees. Hence why he lost all of his best employees and his entire middle management team, me included.
After these experiences, I had to work out what would make me happy and try to achieve it.
I’m doing what makes me happy. I am a writer, an author, a storyteller. I am a crafter, of words, of jewellery, of mixed media crafty endeavours. The only thing I have yet to tick off on the list of things I want to become is a helper, a motivator, an inspiration.
It’s kind of hard to be an inspiration when I’ve been trapped in negative thoughts recently. Thank goodness for today’s wake up call.
I long to be able to use my words, my crafts, my experience and my empathy to help others. I want to help others find their light and walk the path that makes them happy. And I want to bring a little bit of brightness to hard days and dark days. Because let’s face it, with the world as it is and the negative energies that are wrapping themselves around many, we all deserve that.
I know I have helped some people that way and wow, do I feel like an amazing success when I see that I’ve made someone happy. That I’ve caused a smile. That I’ve helped someone feel stronger and have more belief in themselves.
How could I feel like a failure when I’ve done that?
I am a success. Sure, there is room for more success and different kinds of success. *coughs*feelfreetobuyabookorordercrafts*coughs* But I am a success and I have so much to be proud of and so much to be thankful for.
I am inspired to get off my butt and work harder towards my success. That way I can help inspire others because I want everyone to have the success they dream of. I’ve got this. You’ve got this. Let’s be amazing.